Unfading [beauty]

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I did an almost two-week stint with no makeup. It was harder than I expected, and my confidence and my own opinions of myself were challenged almost daily. I'd been feeling quite self-actualized before this challenge, but afterwards, I realized there had been a lot of things in me that I hadn't been challenging.

 Day One

It sat there mocking me.

I don't think I'd fully accepted the reality of the challenge I had just accepted. I kept looking wistfully at my makeup stand, hoping against all hope that somehow staring at it would make it magically transfer to my face.

Protip: it doesn't actually work that way.

All in all, day one wasn't too terrible, as my hair actually looked pretty good. So I felt naked and exposed, but I didn't feel ugly.
Maybe this wasn't going to be hard after all!



Day Two
I woke up. I made the mistake of glancing in the mirror. To my dismay, pimples that had not been there before had popped up all over my chin and cheek area. Immediate reaction was to reach for the cover-up but I stopped myself.

I think I saw hell flash before my eyes. It looked a lot like a makeup-less wasteland.





Day Three
I found that I had begun to care less and less about my appearance in general. So I rocked the hobo look. Yes that is a blanket--I was freezing.

At this point, I really honestly felt like crap and I didn't know how I was going to make it through the next eight days. People had already begun to ask me if I was sick or if something was wrong. I was ridiculously annoyed--this is just my natural face, people! Then I remembered that very few people had ever seen me without makeup on and I had to remind myself to be a little kinder to them.

But I still couldn't find it in me to be kind to myself.

Days Four-Six and a half

Honestly nothing too eventful happened on these days. I still felt like crap, but my skin was starting to look tremendously better. Kay told me it was because I didn't have any chemicals crowding my pores to make me break out and suggested I do it for Lent as well. I debated slapping her.

At the end of day six, I went to a meeting, where someone I'd been working with for over a year sat down, looked at me and hastily apologized that he thought I was Juliana. He was thoroughly embarrassed when I informed him that I was, in fact, Juliana.

Day Eightish 
It's a blur of makeup-less torture. But I've figured out how to still look cute and not completely be a bum.


Day Nine
Almost there. Freaking thank you, God. The retreat is tonight. Only a few more days and I can be pretty again.




Day Eleven


The retreat is over and I can wear makeup again. But this weekend was pretty great--I clearly can see the deep self-hatred I have if I don't fit an arbitrary standard of perfection. I can see that my worth isn't tied to my physical beauty, but my heart and soul. My worth is in the Lord, who made me beautiful in His Image.

Lessons Learned: my worth is inherent. I am beautiful because of my soul. I am loved.

Now all I have to do is start believing it. Yikes!  Wish me luck!

Love abundantly,
Juliana